i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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