piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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