it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
