Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
