we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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