Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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