At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
