is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i am craving dick and cupcakes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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