the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
