Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
