I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
