the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
