The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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