I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
