I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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