i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
4 words: hood of his car
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
