You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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