Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
