dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize