I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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