someone get that fucking seahorse.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
