I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
