I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
