I wish my penis had an off switch
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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