Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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