My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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