The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
