he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
