Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
