i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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