Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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