I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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