and she was petting her beer can
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
