I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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