I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
