i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
