where am i from again
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
