I wannas sexs uuuuu
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
