So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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