i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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