I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
