just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
