Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
