when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
