Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
