i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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