there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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