I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
