I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
pray to the hookup gods
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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