Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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