This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
