If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
