She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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