First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
