Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
