Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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