We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
