someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
