SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize