five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
