so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
