This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
