Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize