Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Holy sore nipples Batman
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
