it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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