There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
