My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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