I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
