Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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