Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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