i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
