I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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