5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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