I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
