She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
4 words: hood of his car
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize