Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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