How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
