Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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