; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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