we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
