The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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