i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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