I haven't been this sober since birth.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
BRING THE BAGELS
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
