i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
