I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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