True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
