tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
