Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
