I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Randomize
