did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
